1 out of every 4 women will be a victim of Domestic Violence. 
I am that 1 out of 4 women. In 2006 I was made a part of a statistic.
I really can't speak for other women who have been victimized by domestic violence, but I did learn that your can never say never. Your future is truly unpredictable.
I grew up being a fighter. Didn't really have a problem sticking up for myself. I grew up with a big brother and played with the boys. My father taught me to be tough. He raised me to be the best in man's world and a competitor in a woman's world. If you would have asked me if I'd ever thought I'd be a victim of domestic violence, I would have laughed at possibility. Little did I know a man I met in 2003, who became my husband in 2004, would be the person who would effect the rest of my life, and needless to say, in the worst way ever. He literally created my living nightmare.
From the conversations I've had with other women, I frequently find that their attackers had no prior indications of violence. They just one day clicked. In their defense, I will say most often if you've never experienced domestic violence you wouldn't know what signs to look for.
For starters, I was pressured into getting married way too young. I knew I cared for him at the time, but had I not been pressured by his family I certainly wouldn't have subjected myself to marriage at the age of 19. You hardly know yourself at 19 much less know anything about marriage. Now don't think for a minute that I don't believe in love at a young age. I know a number of couples with that "old love". You know the ones that had love at first sight and have been madly in love since they were 14. :)
Let's just say this was nothing like that. I married a boy who made me laugh. He was amazing at math. Silly, but off of that I thought he was intelligent. That's it. There was really nothing more to him. Boy, could I have made a worse interpretation? We met in October of 2003. Little did I know he had just been released from a hospital for attempting to commit suicide because his ex-girlfriend was too busy to talk to him. That very same month!!! All because she wouldn't pay attention to him. Of course, I didn't find out that happened until much much later. During the time we were involved, I noticed he had scars all over his upper chest and arms, but it was one of those uncomfortable things you'd rather not ask about, ya know? Awkward. This is officially red flag #1.
So while we're seeing each other off and on, in January of 2004 he gets arrested for what he tells me was nothing more than an argument with an ex-girlfriend whom he claims was upset because he told her he couldn't see her anymore because he was involved with me. Claiming she was a "jealous ex-girlfriend". Why wouldn't I believe it? Well, at that time I had no reason not to. Not to mention his family was very convincing. So, being supportive, I go visit him at the jail from time to time throughout those few weeks. Longer than usual stay in jail? Yeah, this was definitely red flag #2.
In March of 2004, two weeks after we are married he tells me he has "a little court date". For the record: Why did I marry him after all that? I can only claim temporary insanity. So, back to my story. I come to find out that the reason for this hearing is for the case with the ex-girlfriend. A couple days before the hearing his family asks me if I'll call his ex-ex-girlfriend to see if she's change her story and testify he didn't do what he did to her. I didn't know what the story was behind that, but in a nut shell, him and his family explained it as nothing more than a good guy with bad luck. They even asked me if I was another who was just going to call the police on him again. YUP, you guessed it. Red flag #3. So I call the girl, ironically enough, she was someone I knew. A roommate of a friend from college. She was appalled that I even called to ask what he and his family requested of her. She told me to stay away from him and he was extremely dangerous. Red flag #4. By now you can assume they had an excuse for her statement also. "Jealous ex-girlfriend", etc etc etc. Did that change my mind about him? Can we say idiot? Can we say naive?
On the day of the hearing he asks me to tell the judge I'm pregnant so she'll take that into consideration on his consequence. I was left uninformed and absolutely clueless to the charges he was facing and the reality of the matter of the hearing. His ex-girlfriend testified he has stole her car keys and when she attempted to get
them back he slammed
her head against the refrigerator. Red flag #5. Then I learned he had
pending charges from the case prior to this which he said were
dismissed. The judge announces, "You are sentenced to 2 years in
prison". JUST TWO WEEKS AFTER WE WERE MARRIED. Red flag #6
I guess I stayed with him because I felt sorry for him. Why? Who knows. The idiotic things you do when you're young. I can shamefully take the crown.
Until my next entry... TO BE CONTINUED
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